The Ashes of the Nerathi
The Late Not-So-Great Goth Dwarlock
Berk was a peculiar dwarf, born to a peculiar dwarven family that spent more time studying and reading, rather than the basic dwarf occupations of digging mines and hitting things with large hammers. Despite his family’s eccentricities, he was a youth full of boundless energy, considered the bright shining beacon of light and mirth in his clan.
Then he opened himself to the stars. His studies led his mind to the Far Realm, where he first gazed upon the Great Beyond, discovering cosmic secrets, untold horrors, and True Perspective.
Needless to say, he wasn’t so happy after that. He changed overnight, dying his bright blond hair and beard a dark black, and wearing eyeshadow to match.
Why he went out adventuring, none could say. Perhaps he thought that, since anything he would ever do would mean nothing in the infinite reaches of time and space, he might as well end some suffering. Or perhaps it was a small fragment of the Far Beyond, reaching into his mind and convincing him that showing a fraction of the Infinite Cosmic Power might convince others of the meaninglessness of existence.
In either case, he could be a bit of a coward.
His second day as Adventurer would be his last. After revealing his party’s presence by getting noisily tangled in a bush, he “swung” into action by landing flat on his head behind a waterfall, possibly suffering some kind of concussion. He did what he could with the limited time he had, hurling a few spells before being beating nearly to death by two kobolds. Rather than die like a hero, he fled. Or attempted to flee, falling five feet to the river below.
Dwarves don’t swim.
What is to be learned by his existence? Embrace life. Do good work. And, above all, the horrifying secrets of the cosmos somehow involve Sarah Palin in her underwear. And alfalfa.
Berk Darkface is survived by his mother, father, ten brothers and six sisters. There is rumor that one of his brothers, Birk Godtonsil, also has some sort of connection to the Powers That Be, and is currently in search of Berk’s ex-party to continue where his brother left off. One can pray that this is only rumor, or else Gods help us all.
Words to live by:
“I have a hammer.”
“Life is pain.”
“That’s Darkface. DARKface. I’m not Ted Danson.”